Totally Awkward Tuesdays

Ok so I know that I skip some Tuesdays because by the time I remember to match up my postings with what actual day it is, it's usually Friday. And that's just a bit too late. Just a tad. Just a smidge. Just a podge.

(No podge isn't a word but it's my blog so I get to make up words now and then).

Soooo....since I actually realized that today is Totally Awkward Tuesdays (whoop, whoop!) I must now produce an awkward story. Let's see what I can find in the vault...ahhhh yes....this is one of my favorites.

Think back to 1998...a young freshman, first year in the States, stepping out on her own...yes that was me. You may remember from a previous post that to my horror I was assigned to an all-female dorm. While my parents were gleeful of this picking, I was 100% dismayed. It really didn't fit into what I dreamt for my first year away at College but I didn't protest too much and honestly, it was the best thing for me. Walking around bra-less, greasy haired and hung-over wasn't such a big deal when you're living with all girls.

So we had a policy in Stockwell Hall (sounds so British, no?) - the rule was no boys could stay over unless accompanied by a female resident. We had an on-site guard that would meticulously walk up and down the dorm hallways during night time monitoring this to ensure our safety.

One night I came home by myself after a long night of staying up with my friends and let's just say that there was a lot of drinking involved. It was probably about 2am and as soon as I got to the dorm, I made a bee-line to the restrooms as I needed to pee REAL bad. Being lazy (and inebriated), I simply hovered over the toilet seat in one of the stalls and as most girls know being drunk and trying to hover is quite a challenging task. Hence, (and sorry to be graphic) my ass was pretty high up from the seat and with my full bladder, it caused quite a noisy pee.

Yes, I just went there but it's crucial to the story, I swear.

It was a long pee folks. Long and loud. The restrooms were large and completely tiled so needless to say the noise reverberated across the restroom. Thankfully nobody else was in there! Well....kind of...

Having finally finished my business, I washed my hands and exited the restroom only to find our security guard leaning against a wall awaiting my arrival. He was a little surprized to see me.

"Oh. You were just in there?"

"Umm, yup. You know...late night. Okay, goodnight!"

"No wait, you were just in there? Was anybody else in there?"

"Umm no sir, just me. Okay, goodnight!"

"Well are you sure? Because I was out here and it really sounded like a guy was peeing in there. Could you please go back in there and check for me?"

awkward!

I went back in there and double-checked.

"Nope sorry sir, nobody was in there. Goodnight!"

"Absolutely sure?"

"Yup!"

"Huh. Well I swear I just heard a guy...." and that was that. I was already in my dorm room, trying not to laugh hysterically but also feeling TOTALLY embarassed.

Either he thought I was a guy-turned-girl or....well...what else would he have thought? That I was blessed with an incredibly loud pee jet stream? I don't think he was girl-savvy enough to contemplate other options!

Needless to say I tried to never again find myself in front of or near that security guard again. I was just soooooo embarassed! He probably saw me as the girl with the incredibly loud pee every time he saw me! Yes, so TOTALLY AWKWARD. And I will say that never again did I hover so inebriated and so late in to the night in those dorms.

Haha! There you go...so Totally Awkward Tuesdays!

Hovercraft