I'm a wimp

Why?  Because the minute I heard about the earthquake in Haiti, I made a decision to not watch the news on TV, nor listen to the station that my radio is usually turned to...NPR and I avoided newspapers and news websites like they carried the plague.  I just couldn't do it, not this time.  I couldn't listen to the accounts of the devastation, to the heart breaking stories of loss, to the crippling cries of anguish from the survivors.  I usually am very good about keeping up with the news...we grew up in a family that had quite the worldly appreciation.  I remember a couple Summers where my Mum asked us to read the newspaper every day and circle the words we didn't understand and look them up in the dictionary.  Yes, understanding world news was and still is highly revered in our family.  So I don't really know why this time I couldn't bring myself to do what I usually do which is to learn, to understand and to feel. 

I think about it now and I feel like such a coward.  All of those people went through so much pain and I feel guilty for not being able to tune in and be a part of their experience for just 5 minutes.  I couldn't do that much?  Argh....no I couldn't.  And as guilty as I feel, I know that if I could go back in time I would do the same thing.

So why am I being so hard on myself?  Trust me - I'm better now then I used to be.  I remember my Senior year in college, I would cry and cry about the world's issues.  Sound stupid? Yes, yes it does.  All of my tears were pointless of course yet I felt such a weight on my shoulders listening to all of the inequalities and hardship that existed in this world of ours.  Instead of doing something about it, I just felt weighed down and sad.  Over the years it has gotten so much better but Haiti's 30 second disaster suddenly brought me back to that point where I knew that if I really listened, watched and soaked it all in, I would crack...really crack.  And so I did the selfish and safe thing...I just tuned it out.  And please don't think I'm a heartless arse hole because even though I 'tuned it out', I can honestly tell you that my insides still ached for all that the people of Haiti lost.  Every day I thought about them.  I prayed for them and when our yoga instructor asked us to devote our yoga practice to somebody, I chose somebody in my family as well as everybody in Haiti.  I know that's a lot of people but it seemed only right.

So the end of last week, I turned NPR back on because I was missing my morning news round up and I realized that ignorance equaled idiocy.  I turned it on just in time to catch a story about courage, bravery and determination to move forward.  The clip had shelter children singing the Haiti version of the Jericho song and an elderly lady under a tree singing a Hallelujah song.  And oh did my fingers start to fidget as they begged to turn off the radio.  My heart started twisting and the tears swelled so fast and yet I kept my hands on the steering wheel and listened to this beautiful clip from the survivors of Haiti who try every day to not only believe that it will be a better day but try to make it so as well.  May God bless that little country and the people that will build it up to be a strong nation once again.

And ps - if you haven't been able to donate a bit of money, please please consider it.  I know it's not a small request because this economy sucks but even a small $5 or $10 would help.  I chose American Red Cross (and no they didn't pay me for this post) as they are well known and I admire their mission.