What are my plans?

Today was not a good day at work. We learnt that one of our coworkers had passed away over the weekend. In respect for her and her family, I wish not to discuss this specifically. I'm blogging today because of all of the thoughts that are swimming ferociously through my mind.

After I breathed deeply through several rounds of the sun salutation, I layed on my yoga mat staring at the ceiling. I'd been holding it in the whole day and the weight of it all began to sink in. With the lights still dim, the little tears came up to air and stayed for a while. It was the release that I had needed the whole day. Once the tears were gone, my brain was given the freedom to soak it all in.

It's so hard to grasp the fact that one day somebody is here on this Earth and the next day they are not. The way they laugh, the way they wish you a good morning, the way they wear their hair, their unique mannerisms. It's all a part of reality. This person was a part of my reality. It was a given that I would experience the wholeness of this being. Just a given. And then one day they are here, and the next they aren't. Although you've read this before and heard it on a LifeTime movie special...

...life truely is precious.

Life is so dainty as it dangles on it's own precarious little thread.

It is a gentle reminder that today is the day that I must live consciously.

To Live in the Moment,

To Love so Deeply,

Today.

As I thought about how delicate our lives are, the questions stormed my mind. What if I were to leave this Earth tomorrow? Who would take Shila? Where would I be buried? Would I even want to be buried? How do I make sure that my organs and all useable body parts (I know, ewww) are donated? What happens to my car loan? Who is the beneficiary of my life insurance through work? Will Rich keep my plants alive?

I know that this discussion might be rather unconventional but shouldn't we have these questions answered now? So without much ado, I fired away questions to Rich asking him what his preferences were and what I should do if he were to leave tomorrow. I then let him ask me questions. And we talked about it. As morbid as it was at least I now have a better idea of what he wants and vice versa. From the small details to the big details, we're now both in the proverbial know. For example, I know now that being buried in India is not an option. Rich kindly reminded me that unless I had a whole lot of money to ship me over, that "my ass was going to be buried here". Oh yes, there was a bit of humor this evening. That's my sweet Rich for you. :)

I had planned on making my return to blogland today exciting, big and full of juice but I am here today with a completely different type of blog entry. I guess I am blogging just as I am today. I am writing to you with a heavy heart, finger tips dragging on the keyboard and slouched on the sofa. But from today we can all learn. We can all realize. We can all feel impacted. To feel highlighted in our weakness to breathe fully every day and be grateful for every moment. A reminder to live proudly of the life that we have been given.