I did it

Yes it's official.  I have finally changed my last name to my husband's!  Woot, woot!  It took me forever to decide and I knew that if it were to happen, there would come a time when it felt right.  Well my friends, it finally came.  :)  Last Friday I made my way to the local Social Security office and officially signed my maiden name away and gained a brand spanking new one

I remember that it was shortly after we got engaged, Rich and I were talking about the future and somehow the topic of last names came up.  I said non-nonchalantly that I would be keeping my name.  Well, that went down like not just a fart in church, but full on diarrhea.  I had no idea how Rich felt about it until that morning!  He really felt that I should change my last name as it was a sign of our unity (good reason) and that it was something all women did (bad reason).  It wasn't a pretty conversation and in the end, I told him that it wasn't up for discussion.  We both left unhappy with the conversation.

Why was I stubborn?  Well, first of all, it wasn't simply the act of being stubborn, just to be stubborn.  It was incredibly hard to contemplate shifting your name.  For me, it was part of my identity.  It was very much a part of who I am.  I couldn't even begin to think about losing that part of me.  It honestly felt like I was being asked to give up my right arm.  On top of that, I am very loyal to my family and it was very hard to shift away from my family's name.  Although my Mum supported my switching, I wasn't there yet.  I didn't want to part from my family, even if it was just symbolically.

Cut to six months in to our engagement, I slowly had inched my way over to the "I'm considering it" fan club.  I gingerly told Rich that I was more open to the idea but had made no firm decision.  By now he had softened up a bit on the subject.  I think he knew that any act of force would simply not work so he had been pretty quiet about it.  He responded with an 'ok' and that was about it. 

When we got married in November, I was lingering in the "hmm, maybe?" camp.  Still not convinced but playing with the idea of a double-barrel last name.  Just trust me that it would have been a very looooong double-barrel.  I kept thinking of how I wouldn't have enough bubbles to fill out my last name on any type of government form.  How people wouldn't pronounce the whole thing.  How exhausting my signature would become.  And so on and on.

Come February, I had decided that I needed to change my last name but was in a place of deciding between switching it completely or the double barrel.  I kept my thoughts from Rich as I needed to come to a decision on my own to feel really comfortable with it.  I kept toying back and forth and finally several weeks ago, I finally decided to go full monty.  Or well...you know what I mean.  :) 

Unfortunately my schedule at work had been SO jam packed that I couldn't even find a half hour to spend at the Social Security office so I had to wait about 3 weeks to find some time.  And last Friday, time on my calendar finally opened up.  I had a meeting in Phoenix that was a short drive away from Social Security so on my lunch I headed over there, got my number and waited patiently for it to be called.  25 minutes later, I was sitting in front of a 40 something year old lady who sensing my nervous and excited energy, she played it calm and cool.  Amen for her!  It only took 10 minutes to officially be known by a different name.  10 minutes!  I couldn't believe it!  And as she smiled and printed out the confirmation letter, my heart started to beat a bit faster.  Slowly she handed me the letter and as I looked at it, reality sunk in.  I was now a *********.  Woah.  I was officially no longer a *******.  I looked at the paper for what felt like a very long couple of minutes as the lady finished things up on her computer.  Shock might be a good word to describe my initial reaction but fast approaching to the surface was a big bubble of excitement!  I felt so good about it!  It just felt right.  I am so glad that I waited.  I am so happy that I didn't rush it or feel pressured to switch.  I really feel that the time was right and I have no anxiety about it.

As soon as I had decided to switch to Rich's name, I decided to not tell him so that I could surprise him.  I kept it incredibly quiet.  Friday night after the official work day ended, Rich joined me at a work function.  It wasn't the right time to tell him.  Straight after the work function, we headed up North to Scottsdale for Rich's Aunt's boyfriend's 60th birthday bash.  Definitely not the right time.  We came home exhausted and fell straight in to bed.  Hoping I wouldn't sleep talk through the night, I decided to wait till Saturday.  That morning, we ventured out for a simple breakfast and errands.  We finally got home and I instructed Rich to sit on the sofa.  He got very suspicious even though I kept telling him I had a surprise for him...a good surprise.  I made him close his eyes and keep his hands open.  I placed the letter of confirmation in his hands and asked him to open his eyes.  He said that he knew as soon as he felt the paper in his hands but he was quiet for about a minute as he read the paper.  He said that he knew what it was but that he couldn't find my new name on the letter.  Umm, top left hand corner??  :)  He finally saw it and smiled, said "yes" and gave me a high five. :)  It was a very nice moment.

And here I am!  Done and done.  I am now officially a ********* and it feels great!!  Fabulous!  I've started switching my name on my accounts and tomorrow I switch over my driver's license.  Slowly but surely it's happening.  It still feels weird and I keep signing/writing my previous name.  Oops.  It's going to take a while.  I've already figured out that the mispronunciation most folks had with my previous name will most likely happen with my new last name, but that's ok.  Nothing new there.  The thing I do miss is not being able to brag about how many vowels my maiden name had.  I had everything but 'o'!  Yes, my family is that fabulous.  :)  And of course I do miss how I used to sign my name.  Still need to actually practice my signature as I haven't done that which I have to say is a bit odd.  Growing up I was that girl who would practice signing her name with all of the boy crushes' last names! 

And so there you go!  I am a changed lady!  But really...I guess I'm not.  I am the same person, with the same strong tie to my family, with the same head on my shoulders.  Nothing has really changed except the letters.  It's a comforting feeling that it hasn't impacted me like I thought it would.  Don't get me wrong...I feel good but thankfully i don't feel like my arm has been severed off.  That's a good thing.  :) 

~Kavita *********