Letting it be

Are you ready for this?

I am.

I sooooo am.

Ok, here we go.

This is about my stalker.  Yes I kinda have one.  After several nasty blog comments appeared on my blog, I added a stat counter and quickly realized that I had an unwelcome visitor.  I was also able to link the time/day of their comment to their IP address.  For a while I blocked them trying to get them to simply go away.  The day I applied the block in November this person tried to access my website about 50 times in about 40 minutes.  You do the math.  They tried to click on my blog through my profile, through other people's blogs and even through my wedding photographers website.  All while still being blocked.  And since then (even though they can't access my blog) they still try nearly every day, sometimes multiple times a day.  It really gets frustrating after a while.

Anybody that has had a cyber stalker can probably relate to the struggle and the constant question of why somebody would be so obsessed.  It's the craziest of feelings.  It makes you feel watched, makes you feel a little paranoid.  And most of all it just makes you ask 'why' over and over again.  And I still don't get it.  It's not like I'm writing top secret government content here.  You know me.  I talk about snuggies, flowers, My. Toyoda and how freakin' adorable my dogs are.  It's not that fabulous!  Well, ok, maybe just a little?  :)  j/k.

I'll be honest...it has made me consider shutting down my blog, or completely reinventing myself, changing my bodaat name, my web address...everything.  But then I realized that that is just plain stupid.  I'm going to let this effect me in that kind of way?  Let it force me to change the name of my blog and where it's housed?  Phooey! 

So today I choose to let go.  I choose to just forget about it.  I choose to unblock and let be what it will be.  What's the point?  I don't know how much clearer I can be that I have zero interest in this person and that I would highly encourage them to move on.  But I've realized that even a web block can't make the craziness end.  I am very ready to stop spending energy on this.

This is good.  This is cathartic for me.  This is what I need to do.  And I apologize to everybody who is rolling their eyes.  I know it probably seems silly.  However you'll have to trust my word that if you manage to obtain your very own cyber stalker you'll see what a strange phenomena it is to be on the receiving end.

So here we are.  It does feel kinda freeing...kind of like a breath of fresh air.  Actually it feels kinda awesome.  I should have done this a while ago but I guess it was a journey that I had to make on my own.  Thank you to all of my close friends who listened to me as I whined and complained about this situation and more importantly CHEERS to this being the end!!  WooHOO!!!!

And to end, a note to my admirer.  I have unblocked you.  Please feel free to access my site as many times as you want to.  Just remember two things:
1. There's no point leaving nasty comments.  They just get deleted, sooooo......
2. and, www.statcounter.com is a very telling tool

Peace,
~kavita